My greatest fear

I love affection and the peoples in my life are more than anything. My greatest fear is that one day someone I care about, won't be there anymore. I couldn't deal with it if I didn't have one of my loved ones in my life anymore.

K Himaanshu Shukla....
23 February,2009

Its like just another day, I had a dream, then I wake up in tears...literally in tears. It's like a recap of the days which I felt was so dark that I felt very lonely. Its like going through a re-run of the saddest day that I had in my whole life. I could only see Aaryan going through the turmoil & I'm not able to help him. It made me feel very useless, but in this dream it was still diffrent. It also showed me how our dearest friend Aaryan loved us, that even during his last hours he is still remembering us. Although he didn't want to leave us, he knew he had to and it was already his time.I know that he had a lot to say to us.

Not being there even at the last minute, to be able to hold his hand was definately the saddest thing I would regret till now. It was the only moment when I realise that he was there for us, when we are happy and sad. And now after he's left he is still with us be it happy or sad.

In this dream it really made me feel how freindship can be so strong and I definately still want to thank the Lord for giving me such a loving and caring friend. I still miss him so dearly, know he is looking at me and still loving me. All I wish was time to go back so that I can tell him how sorry I was to make him angry at so many diffrent times like on Kieth's birthday party.

Aaryan you really showed us how friendship can be so strong. You will always be missed and loved in our hearts. I hope we will meet soon. Happy Birthday Aaryan. We miss you a lot....

Cheers :),
-K Himaanshu Meehirs' Shukla
It's time to move on to the new me that is waiting on the other side of this depression and I definately mean it this time, depression will not be kicking my ass .I'm ready for the change, struggles, frustration, ridicule, tears, pain, and the knock downs. I'm ready to rebirth from these ashes.

I know one day I' m going to find my light through this dark hell hole and I'm to find the strength to get out that bed, out of that computer chair, from front of that HP monitor and fight for my life. It's not easy, some people may call me crazy and somedays I just want to give up but I will not. There's a world out there waiting for me if I just take the few steps to make that little piece of the world mine. I know it won't happen over night or maybe not in month but bet my bottom dollar I'm going to change someday.I want my life back and I'm getting it back!!!

There is a tree near my flat. That tree has been hacked at and abused for many years. After spring, I've noticed lots of growth beginning in parts of the tree. Perhaps after some time, someone look at me and notice the same thing!!!

K Himaanshu Shukla....